Here I am again...

Time to say something, I suppose. I’ve been neglecting to write for the past couple months, for a few reasons. I didn’t really plan the hiatus from blogging, but as anyone who writes knows, you just have those times were the motivation isn’t there.

There has been plenty to talk about, but not the usual material I post, as I’m still recovering from my big irritating surgery six months ago. I imagine the motivation to post will strengthen along with the number of days I get to spend playing outdoors since that’s what I usually write about.

As far as how I’ve been spending all this time; it’s been pretty varied. I guess I have to back up a couple months to catch up and hit the highlights.

November held a good event for me to live vicariously through the outdoor-strong crowd, with a chance to attend the Midwest Mountaineering Outdoor Adventure Expo, which included the Banff Mountain Film Festival, and a clinic put on by Dean Potter. I got a chance to take in countless accounts of outdoor epics, and had a very quick talk with Dean himself.

The same weekend, Alison and I headed down to Texas to visit with family. We have a new niece, Ellie Dakota, and it was great to see everyone. I’m still getting used to the “uncle” thing. We almost didn’t make it down, as the Cities had their first winter weather smack in the face- freezing rain that caused countless accidents. You can see how nice our roads were in St. Paul- this is my name scratched into the glare ice we drove over to get to the airport:

Other family trips happened as well, some good, some not. After Thanksgiving, the family lost my uncle Skip. He had a long battle with a beat up heart, and passed away at the family farm with my parents along side him. The funeral in Minot, ND was small- many couldn’t make it as we had our biggest blizzard in around 20 years here in the Cities, and flight/trains/cars/whatever you tried was delayed or cancelled. I just managed to squeak in on a Skywest flight the morning after the storm and made it to the funeral on time. It was a nice memorial; more of a collection of good/humorous memories than a traditional service, which is what we think he’d have wanted. It was also a good chance for our family to get together from around the country again. Here's a shot of me with cousins I don't get to see very often; Mira, from NY, and Andrew from CA (great to see you guys!):

Alison and I made it up to Minot again after the funeral weekend, and spent time with everyone there for the holidays. It was great to see everyone, including my grandma, who is in a home in Mohall, ND with dementia, and my grandpa, who lives in Westhope, ND. It’s a little harder to coordinate visits to see them often, and we always appreciate the chances we get.

We also had the chance to spend time with relatives here in the Cities over Christmas weekend. Here is Alison's grandma with all of us grandkids:

As for surgery updates, and getting in shape again:

I can’t sugar coat it; I’ve been feeling a major low point in my fitness level in this whole process, and it’s hard to deal with. I’m sure that’s had something to do with my silence on this blog. Before surgery, I was climbing pretty strong for a Midwesterner, cycling big miles and solo tours, backpacking strong, and progressing well into being a minimalist shoe runner, tackling my first couple “longer” (for me) trail runs in Yosemite Valley. I feel like I’m so far away from being there again after I chose to have my procedure. Thinking objectively, I knew ahead of time that I’d have a bad year, which I could expect to then see improvement afterward- hopefully progressing beyond my pre-surgery abilities. So I know this is part of it all. But saying that is one thing when decided to have a big surgery. Actually living through that terrible year is something else completely. It’s a lot of time for negativity and doubts to get in your head, while you are feeling weak, but accustomed to being strong. I may change my mind in the future, but I’m not yet very happy with the results of having this surgery. I guess it’s because I haven’t yet had a chance to see whether or not I will see an improvement in heart function. Cosmetically, there has been some improvement from pre-surgery days, but I’m not all that excited about it. At this stage of still-low exercise/fitness, that’s all I’m able to judge. I again have a large depression in my chest. It’s definitely not flat or “normal” looking, whatever normal is. I don’t know if this is because of my chest sinking in a bit again, or if it more an issue of severe muscle atrophy after months of non-use. Seems to me it is a combination, as my doctor has alluded to either case, giving different answers to the same questions over time, which is very frustrating. It would help to feel good about the procedure if I wasn’t so concerned that I will just end up watching my chest regress back to where it started, which does happen to some people. All I can do is wait and see what happens, and try not to let it drive me crazy in the process.

I have been getting out on snowshoes and riding my cycle trainer when I can to try to further limit my loss of fitness and keep myself sane. There have been some good walks as this year has seen record snow here. La Niña is what they’re saying.

Not a ton of snow yet in this shot. Walking Afton State Park, early winter:

Walking Fort Snelling State Park, Christmas morning:

Night of the big blizzard, outside my apartment in St. Paul:

Post-holing down Summit Ave in Saint Paul??

I may try to start running a very small amount if I can get access to a treadmill again soon. I’ve gained a light case of “man-boobs” while getting out of shape, so that on top of healing pectorals and a bar in my chest riding on nerves might not make for tolerable running, even if it’s light. We’ll see.

Something that’s helped me in all my healing woes is reading/watching stories of other outdoor folks who’ve overcome after injury, even paralysis. I bought a Nook, from Barnes and Noble recently, and read climber Steph Davis’s book, High Infatuation. In one chapter, she wrote about her friend who became paralyzed below her upper abdominals in a climbing accident, but who just a year and a half later went on to climb El Cap in Yosemite by basically doing four thousand pull ups. Awesome. Perhaps I’m just a colossal whiner for feeling down about my own chest issues. It could be way worse, and people overcome a lot more.

I intend not to fall off my blog for another two months, I appreciate your continued reading. I hope to have good news of getting stronger and feeling better, and I hope to continue spending my time recovering alongside great family.